The ‘it’ mom, the fit, trendy, hop on that band wagon mom who’s somewhere between the ages of 29–41.
You can never really tell if it’s the filter, that selfie light or chugging from a 40oz water jug all day, but you genuinely have zero clue how old they are. (As it turns out, generational context clues no longer exist now that everyone's decided they want to live in the gray between the generations that are both equally scorned.)
So wait — you really don’t know “that Mom”? well lucky for you, by the end of this stupid f**k!ng list you’ll be able to spot her and she might even be you!
1. You’re on Tiktok.
No, I mean like you’re ON TikTok. The app scores #1 in your screen time — you find yourself disconnected yet chronically online enough to have purchased the viral selfie light.
You have exactly 2,167 followers, which is just enough to go LIVE when you have something totally random!!1! to share
*right after you’ve completed your full make up routine and hair in the perfect messy bun *
but not quite enough followers to land any brand deals that doesn’t require to purchase anything to become an ‘ambassador’
2. You’re a proud SAHM (and everyone knows it)
This is an essential trait of being THAT mom. I mean, can you even consider yourself a mom if you're paying strangers to raise your children?
Especially when childcare costs would basically be the ENTIRE salary of whatever entry level job you'd being capable of??
Of course not, your darling little McChickenkenna-leigh deserves a mom who's always fully present, with a fully charged iPhone ready to document their best and worst times, and of course, every Target run! Holla!
Speaking of Target…
3. You LOVE Target
The ‘Stay-At-Home’ part of SAHM is silent. Daily runs — and by run I mean drive, in your 2023 middle-class-fancy SUV — to Target are a MUST.
Target is your happy place, your sanctuary, open just early enough to be the 1st stop of the day and always late enough to be the last stop.
Everyone is dying to know how you can you afford your trenta iced latte on top of your daily Target shopping sprees. But really, they want to know what your husband does for work (and if you’re divorcing anytime soon.)
4. You have a Pinterest board titled “Cool Mom Outfits”
You’re somehow simultaneously too young to wear mom clothes but too old to wear Gen Z clothes.. but like that’s going to stop you from trying?
You’re young enough to know biker shorts are hot right now but you won’t make it your whole personality — you learned your lesson with the wide brim hat phase — that one switched too fast to recoup the money spent on pampas grass for every corner of every room in your house.
You’re playing it safe this time around MAMA is your BRAND, it speaks to you, those 4 little letters plastered on every shirt, hat and coffee mug — Mama never goes out of style.
5. You’re a #boymom or #girlmom
I don’t think this needs much explaining, and neither do you apparently because being a #boymom speaks for itself.
It’s the reason your house is messy, why you wear sneakers instead of heels, even the reason why your infant farts and poops! — in fact, 67% of #girlmoms reported that their girl infants do not fart or poop.
Astounding to think your #boymom journey all started with a blue cupcake confetti cannon that set the world, and your MIL’s neighborhood greenspace, a blaze.
If at any point while reading this you laughed, cringed or said ‘ah yeah’ I’d bet every Mama shirt I own that there’s more than little bit of “That mom” in you, too.